Some of you may be thinking to yourselves, “Wait a minute. She’s single! Is she qualified to give marriage advice?”.
The answer is obviously yes. Due to my keen sense of observation and my thirty five years of..well..life..I know a thing or two about a thing or two. I have TWO sets of married parents, and almost every girlfriend I have has walked down one aisle or another. I also have the distinct advantage of “the outsider’s perspective.”
So, within further ado, here is my compilation of the ten most important things you can do to guarantee your marriage will bloom like the tulips of South Holland. I have also put in some quick adages that you can jot down for future reference. You’re welcome. Get your clogs on and dive in with me!
1. Don’t be a Stinky Stanley. Shower regularly. Wear deodorant. Maintain hygienic shaving practices. If you smell like poop, they’ll fly the coop.
2. Be willing to share. Your Doritos are not your Doritos any longer. One body. One flesh. One bag of chips. Do the math. Don’t be greedy or they’ll be cheaty.
3. Do your part to keep the house clean. It’s fine for men and women to share the work load around the house, but don’t get lazy. A cluttered, dirty house is no place to relax and listen to Barry White. Or Drake. Whatever you’re into. Pick up all the things for those hotline blings.
4. Don’t buy a whole bunch of crap or a car or a house without talking to your spouse first. It’s important to be honest and open to veto when it comes to making any big purchases. Money is the cause of 76 percent of all fights between married couples. Watch how you spend if you don’t want it to end.
5. Keep that bod in tip-top shape. However they were first attracted to you, that is the image you want to perpetuate. They may like you big and sexy. Be you. Just don’t let yourself go to the point where the lights always have to be off. Physical attraction is still important once you’re married. Put down the donut and take a power walk. Whatever it takes. Maintain your physique and they won’t creep.
6. Be careful not to criticize. There is nothing more unappealing than someone always telling you what you’re doing wrong. This is a contributing factor to a spouse seeking outside affirmation..from someone that’s not you! Deal with problems or annoyances in a way that is respectful and honoring to your spouse’s integrity. Belittling will only drive a wedge between you. Don’t put them down and they’ll stick around.
7. Your sex life should be like 7-11..open for business ’round the clock. This one’s Biblical. Don’t deny your partner your body. That’s probably half the reason they married you. Keep it sexy. Be adventurous. Keep them wanting more. It doesn’t make you a..floozy.
8. Be trustworthy. Nothing destroys a relationship faster than a loss of trust. Be there when you say you will. Honor your commitments. Absolutely. No. Lying. Non-negotiable. Trust is the hardest thing to get back. Don’t be a turd. Keep your word.
9. Have fun together. Date. Travel. Surprise each other. Keep the romance alive! Nothing is cuter than an old couple holding hands and giggling like lovestruck teenagers. Be that couple! Dare to make the honeymoon a permanent phase (I just created my own oxymoron! Yes!)! Make the time to date your spouse. You won’t regret it. Keep things great by dating your mate.
10. Get good advice from people who’ve been there. Or from me. Either way, allow those with wisdom and experience to speak into your life. You may realize the thing that seems like a big deal really isn’t, or that the little rift actually needs time and attention because without repair its just going to keep getting bigger. You aren’t alone in your struggles. All relationships have them because two people are learning to live a life that’s not just about them anymore. Other people have been there and can help you navigate through the tough times. Allow your friends to help you make amends.
Well there you have it. I’m not saying I should get paid for this, but it’s pretty spot-on if in do say so myself. And I do.
Keep that love burning, friends! And Merry Christmas!