Back in the day, to get a man all you needed was a camel and your virginity. Your dad and his dad exchange livestock and hold each other’s sandals. Bada Bing, Bada Boom. You’re married.
These days, it’s a little more complicated.
First, you have to find someone who doesn’t make you throw up when you think about kissing them. But wait, there’s more!
There are tons of kissable people out there. That does not mean you should date them.
Here’s a good checklist for ascertaining datability. I made it myself, so treat it accordingly.
1. Are they currently living with someone else?
If so, it could make things a little awkward when you’re over watching a movie.
2. Do you have the same desires and goals for the future?
Do you both want a house in the suburbs and 2.5 kids? Perfect. But what if his dream is to live on a lobster boat and you get seasick in the bathtub? It’s a good idea to talk about which future goals are really important before you get serious. Some things are flexible, but if you two are headed in opposite directions it could cause big problems down the road.
3. Do you enjoy talking to them?
Being able to hold a conversation is important in a relationship. They might look pretty, but have they heard of the Holocaust? For most women I know, engaging conversation plays a vital part in the emotional intimacy of a relationship. If you can’t connect intellectually, don’t count on a lasting relationship. As Judge Judy once said, “Beauty fades, but dumb is forever.”
4. How’s their credit?
These things matter.
5. Can you accept them as they are?
Your boo-thang had a life before he met you. On this journey called Life, everyone accumulates a little baggage. Can you make peace with their past? Maybe he has a child, or has been divorced. Maybe there are emotional scars or walls that need to be loved away. Are you up for this particular set of challenges? Sometimes the answer is no, and that’s okay.
6. Are they trustworthy and dependable?
Without trust, you got nothin. Lack of trust leads to anger, insecurity, and doubt. If you have to worry about what he’s doing when you’re not around, the relationship is doomed to fail. Likewise, if you can’t depend on him to keep his word, frustration will build and you will become The Nagger™. No woman wants to be that, so find a man who does the right thing on his own.
7. Do you have a good time with them?
He could be David Beckham’s hotter twin, but if he’s just going to play video games all day while you go hiking with friends what’s the point? Couples may have differing ideas of fun, but compatibility shines through when you are able to compromise and enjoy each other’s interests. The true fun comes from spending time together. If you are having a blast at an Auto Zone, it’s because you guys are great together.
8. Does their character reflect a true relationship with Jesus?
Okay, yes, this should have been number one. Anyone can talk the talk. Do you see a life that is surrendered to Christ? Is God first in his life? Does this person honor you? How do they treat others? Do you see love, joy, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness, and self-control? Obviously, men are humans too and we all have bad days (or seasons), but on the whole a Christian man should have a godly character that will sustain him through hard times, temptation, and trial. This one is non-negotiable.
So there you have it. Christian dating is hard because you aren’t just trying to get the other person into bed (yet). You are actually looking for a life partner and you have to be willing to put in work to create a healthy, godly relationship.
In return, though, you get something that lasts and is infinitely more beautiful than the drive-by relationships that characterize dating in America 2015 style. Swipe left. Choose your partner wisely. Give true love a fighting chance.
Are you ready?