Jealousy, Hater-Aid, and You: A True Story

U-G-L-Y! You ain’t got no alibi! You ugly! Hey, hey, you ugly!

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I’m singing this song to myself. Well, to my inner self. Although, I do have a possible pinkeye situation going on so either way.

Today I want to talk about something that plagues almost every woman I know.

Jealousy. These are the thoughts that go through our heads on a regular basis as we compare ourselves to everyone in the room and half the people on Facebook:

She is so skinny and she eats stuff I can’t even look at without gaining weight.

Why can she get pregnant so easily when we’ve been trying for two years?

How is she getting married before me? SERIOUSLY?

She’s so lucky. She doesn’t have to work and they can afford such a great house and those new cars! Guess I’ll go work another eight-hour shift now so that I can keep the lights on in our apartment…

People just seem to gravitate towards her naturally. She must have something I don’t..

If we stopped here, it might not be so bad. But we don’t. We (I) tend to attach negative thoughts towards the person who has what we want, tearing them down a little just to make ourselves feel better.

At least I’m not married to Where’s Waldo.

At least I’m not single like she is, bless her heart.

She might have kids, but she needs to lay off the Oreos!

She’s pretty, but she’s not the brightest crayon in the box.

It’s no small wonder that we’re insecure. If we are thinking these things about other women, they are almost definitely thinking them about us. There’s a reason that women are known as catty and gossips. It’s who we are.

So. How do we change this natural bent to compare and dissect?

I heard a great conversation online in which a woman said simply, “There’s enough to go around. We don’t need what someone else has and we should be able to be genuinely happy for them. Their gain isn’t our loss. There’s enough to go around.” Or something like that.

I love it. There are enough blessings to go around. It’s true. What someone else has is what God has blessed them with. What we have is what God has blessed us with. We have no right to be mean (even in our heads). It’s time to break the cycle of haters and build up the women in our community.

With effort and intentionality, we can be genuinely happy for and invested in other women. Pray for her marriage to do well. Ask to workout with your skinny friend even though she probably doesn’t work out because she’s just naturally in great shape. Don’t say a bad word after this last sentence. Babysit those kids that aren’t yours. Compliment your girlfriend on her new house and MEAN IT. Help throw that engagement party.

In turn, involve others in your blessings. Ask your single friend to come over for dinner with you and yo man. Pray for your friend dealing with infertility. Work out with someone who could use your fitness savvy. Buy a struggling girlfriend some lunch. I’m free at noon.

I think, one by one, we create an atmosphere of support and encouragement. We can quiet that little voice that whines that God’s given us a raw deal. God doesn’t work like that, and you are his daughter (or son, Dad, if you’re reading this). We can facilitate trust and authentic friendship. There are enough blessings to go around.

Ang

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About Angela

I'm just trying to figure this life thing out with the help of some amazing friends and a God who loves me in spite of my tendency to forget what is truly important!
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4 Responses to Jealousy, Hater-Aid, and You: A True Story

  1. Small Town Rambler says:

    AMEN! I love this post! Jealousy can be obvious and sometimes not so obvious…but either way it is UGLY! We need to be encouraging, uplifting, praying for one another…love one another as Jesus said! As much as I try to be encouraging and uplifting those thoughts will creep up in me from time to time. Sometimes, it opens my eyes to an issue in my own life that needs to be addressed.

  2. Lovely! It’s so hard to struggle with those feelings of inadequacy and it can really make you negative and take away from the blessings that you have. Thanks for the great reminder and for sharing your heart! Hugs, sweet sister!

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