Warning : You may think less of me after reading this. Still, this is who I am. It has to be said. I accept the consequences.
I regard myself as a pretty laid-back girl. Yes, girl. I’m only 29. However, I guess everyone has certain things that push their buttons. Because you asked, here are a few of mine. Ok, you didn’t ask.
Here we go.
1. High stress people.
I can’t stand Chihuahuas, and I have a hard time relating to their human counterparts: the High Strung. The anxiety and hyper- emotional responses make my shoulders tense and my mouth gets all screwy from holding in my unkind thoughts. I just want to give them bourbon and a snuggie and remind them that it’s not Black Tuesday so they probably don’t need to freak out right now. It’s not a compassionate response, but my stomach goes into knots around them.
Nothing incites rage more than the VIP in the Lexus who flashes his headlights at me because I have the audacity to be going only 5 over in the middle lane of the highway. You may be able to afford a 130.00 parking ticket, but I’d rather not. I will slow down just to make my point. Go. Around. I’m just glad God can’t hear me in my car..oh, wait.. I’m screwed.
3. Kathie Griffin and Kevin Bacon.
Her voice drives me crazy and she’s kind of drag-queeny and I don’t find her funny at all. Kevin Bacon just seems like a D.B. and he’s creepy. Bradley Cooper (let me finish) used to be on this list until I loved him in Silver Linings Playbook, and then in American Sniper. I loved American Hustle, also, but hated the character he played so I won’t count that one.
4. Ghetto Culture
Considering my parents used to call me “Queen Angetifah” because I loved black culture, music, television, and men (Larenz Tate, I still love you) from an early age, this one is surprising. It’s not about race. It is a sub-culture that, from my experience, teaches kids to be loud, rude, entitled, and unaware of anyone else around them. I apologize if this is offensive. I know I am called to love everyone, I just have a hard time finding common ground here.
5. The Big Bang Theory.
I’ve tried, people. How I Met Your Mother is on this list, too. I don’t get it. I love sitcoms, but I find absolutely nothing funny here. Plus, people come in to my restaurant and ask me if Penny’s working.
6. Victim Mentality
Most people have someone or something they can blame along the way. I’m messed up because… I can’t be faithful because… I overeat because…
Stop it. We’ve all had bad things happen to us. I’m not making light of your problems or your past. I just want you to say, “I can’t change the past but I can change the future.” Don’t let your past experiences define the rest of your life. Be determined to be amazing. America is founded on people who came from hard times and made brighter futures for themselves and their families. You are able.
I’ll wrap this up while I still have friends. Please feel free to comment with your biggest pet peeves so that I won’t look like such a Mitch. What makes you lose it?
A sailor walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to the front of his pants. He sits down and orders one drink after another. The bartender finally breaks down and says “Excuse me sir, but do you realize that there’s a steering wheel connected to your pants?” “The man looks down and sighs. “I know. It’s driving me nuts.”